For Men Only
There is a spiritual principle that men give and women receive. We see this in relationships, intimacy, and daily living. Our ketubah requires us to give food, clothing, and intimacy.
Men are like the sun, and women, are like the moon and radiate our light. Women are like mirrors and reflect our behavior. G-d designed it like this and it is for the best.
True, women may give compliments, praise, or do favors in a relationship, but these primarily serve as an incentive for us and are not required. Men should never expect or desire to receive compliments or praise. Men are givers, and as such we give compliments and praise — that is our role.
Problems arise when men desire to receive — which is a feminine trait — especially when it comes to desires for immorality.
Lusting is the desire to receive pleasure, and for most men, lusting for immorality is their primary struggle and should be the focus of their spiritual work.
The elimination of the lust for immorality from one’s life will open up channels of abundance and subsequently eliminate stress, arguments, and disharmony and the marriage will be like the Garden of Eden. Shalom bayit will exceed your expectations.
Why? Why is all this needed?
In the booking, Inner Work (and a zillion other places) is says
Everything is really to bring us to prayer.
In truth, the purpose of this problem is to prompt us to call out to G-d for help — to make a relationship with Him! To understand that there is only Him — ein od milvado. And, ultimately with perseverance and success, you will actually thank G-d for the tribulations because through them you will achieve a closer proximity to G-d.
The following books by Rav Arush are valuable for dealing with this challenge:
- The Garden of Emunah thoroughly covers the importance of emunah.
- The Garden of Peace is an invaluable guide to a better marriage.
- The Garden of Purity focuses on lusts and immorality.
- In Forest Fields explains the importance of personal prayer and how to do it for maximum efficiency.
Another valuable resource is Guard Your Eyes (GYE) with its anonymous form and other programs. GYE states that approximately 300,000 men are struggling with internet abuse. (I believe they are referring to communities in the USA.)
From a secular, psychological angle is Fight the New Drug a website dedicated to providing a wealth of information and support.
Cell phone filters are popular however there seem to be loopholes and it might be awkward to ask someone to be the guardian over the settings. I believe GYE has a filter they suggest.
An accountability partner or close friend is ideal for moral support and direction during difficult times, but it might be uncomfortable to ask someone to fill that role. I am willing to be your support partner through an anonymous messaging platform if you desire, otherwise, WhatsApp is ideal. After Yom Kippur, I will reactivate my Nudge account and send a link to the group should anyone choose to go forward. Complete confidentiality and anonymity will be observed.
Whatever you decide to do, if it is a problem — make a commitment today.
G’mar chatima tova!
Yitzhak Sasson 